fucking fuck. ptsd.
pma.
happy to be alive and really grateful for the people in my life.
wayyyyy too much coffee.
today is the first day in a long time that my insides dont feel like they are attacking me.
i wonder if you miss me too..
i am in the process of getting rid of everything that reminds me of a certain space in my life. it feels really fucking good.
i dont know where to begin.
im home. my kid is sleeping in my bed now. im wondering about my buds back at the hab hoping they are having sleepy time tea and a decent night. my house is a disaster. i have entirely too much shit and need to do a major overhaul of all the junk. i almost forget what it is like to type, i havent been on a computer in 45 days. i cried some of the hardest tears that i have ever had to let go of and changed so much of who i was to get to the place i am at right now. i made friends with people i would have never spoken to in my regular life and loved every minute of it. i laughed and smoked more cigarettes than i said i would and wouldn’t take any of them back. i ate 6 times a day, drank coffee like my life depended on it and changed my attitude in a way i never thought possible. i created a safe space in my own self that i can bring with me wherever i go and learnt how to breathe and trust my instincts.
i have been sober for 53 days i have choices now that i never had before and will do whatever i have to not lose that.
heading back. 514 look out.
i am kinda starting to like being sober.
at the devil inside. (with k and m)
ha.
i will be back on friday night!
my heart hurts and i can’t do anything to make this feeling go away.
